ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my being single is dangerous.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
