Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
