Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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