I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
