so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
