Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
