Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
