2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
