I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
