i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
