tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
