I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
