I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
