even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
