if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
