He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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