Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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