I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
