I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
