I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
