I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
