My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
