Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
