hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
