bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
