just come out here and I will go home with you...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
