This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
