wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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