They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
