Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i've created a new STD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
