By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
