Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
