She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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