There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
