omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
