Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
