Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
