okay pat passed out under dana's car
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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