I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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