Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Randomize
