You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
