you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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