I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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