I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
