Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
