We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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