If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
