i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
