Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
