he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
