We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
