I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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